I don’t know if you ever check out the Power Rankings from Sports Illustrated on cnnsi.com. I look them over every week just to see where the Griefs stand. What the power rankings are, in essence, is a group or individual analyzing the team’s roster, schedule, opponent, and weekly performance, then ranking them by talent and ability between 1 and 32. Needless to say, a rank of 1 means you are a very good football team, while a rank of 32 means that there is no team in the NFL worse than you are. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, for the Griefs/Raiders game, the Griefs had moved all the way up to 26 in the Power Rankings while Oakland was mired in the 32nd position. I am assuming we moved up in the power rankings because we played New England “close”, but let’s not assume too much. Sometimes the rankings don’t make a lot of sense. Anyway, here is #26 playing #32, AT HOME, and a 3.5 point favorite. Things were looking good for the Griefs to get their first win of the year. Keep in mind that WIN would have been one of the 3 or 4 I had predicted for the year. So let’s see how things broke down for this game… by position if you will.
Quarterbacks
We are going to keep this between the quarterbacks that played the majority of the game. Of course it never hurts to mention that your “starting” quarterback went 2 for 4, for 17 yards and an interception before leaving with some sort of bodily injury. That is one hell of a performance that only the Boyle Man can accomplish. And people thought I was crazy for complaining about how bad the Kansas City quarterback situation was. Remember, from day 1, I have NEVER believed in Boyle. Still don’t.
Yet I digress. Let’s keep this between JaMarcus Russell and Mr. Tyler Thigpen. One of these gentlemen played at LSU and won a national title. The other one played at Coastal Carolina, and I am guessing, played some football games, although there is no record of this. Tyler Thigpen threw the ball 33 times, actually completing these passes 14 times. JaMarcus threw the ball only 17 times, completing six of those tosses. Therefore Tyler WINS!!! He completed a whopping 42.4% of his passes, compared to the lowly 35.2% of Russell. (These are the kind of stats you need to know!). Unfortunately, one of Thigpen’s passes was intercepted, and none of Russell’s were, so maybe we should call this even. Winner: Tie. They both suck
(On a total side note… Have you EVER seen a game battled out between two quarterbacks that looked more incompetent than these two? Seriously. Even the football was bitching for hitting the ground so many times.)
Personally, I think we should have left Marques Hagans in there at quarterback. Sure, he is a wide receiver, but he did throw one pass, and he COMPLETED it for five yards, so that is a 100% completion rate. I would take that any day of the week.
On the quarterback front I am going to have to call this a tie performance wise. They both suck really bad. If I had JaMarcus Russell, Tyler Thigpen, Brodie Croyle, or Tevaris Jackson leading my offense, I might start working on the resume.
Running Backs
Break out the bulls. Larry Johnson vs. Justin Fargas. Huggy Bear Jr. carried the skin 9 times for 43 yards before he went down with a severe groin pull. Larry Johnson carried the nugget 12 times for 22 yards before Chan Gailey realized that he sucks. That put Fargas at a 4.8 yards per carry average, against Larry’s impressive 1.8 yards per carry. I am going to have to go heavily with Fargas here. But what about replacements….
After the injury to Fargas, and the fact that Johnson sucks, it was time to break out the backups. In this case it would be Darren McFadden for the Raiders, and the formidable tandem of Kolby Smith/Jamaal Charles for the Griefs. Darren McFadden rushed 21 times for 164 yards (7.8 yards per carry!) against the COMBINED 4 carried for 10 yards for Smith/Charles. HUGE edge to the Raiders here. So much for the Griefs defense everyone seemed so high on. Winner: Oakland . Huge
Receivers
I would love to do a segment on the wide receivers for both teams, but I am buried in game film, looking for evidence that there actually was a completed pass. So far I have only found the completion from Hagans to Bowe for 5 yards. Winner: Tie
Bonus Kick Return Section
Filling in for the immortal Eddie Drummond, we now have B.J. Sams. B.J. returned one kick for the Griefs this week, for 21 yards, and he DID NOT FUMBLE. That means he gained about 1 more yard than Drummond ever would have by just letting the ball go in the end zone, but he managed to hold onto it, giving us possession. This is actually a bright spot for the Griefs, being that we are no longer giving up what were essentially 65 yard on-side kicks. Good news!
Kicking Game
This is no contest. Sebastian Janikowski kicked three field goals, one of which was from 56 yards. On the day he was three for three on field goals, and two for two on extra points. Kansas City never got close enough at any time to attempt a field goal. They also never had a chance to attempt an extra point, because by the time they FINALLY scored a garbage time touchdown they were so far behind that they had to go for two. Winner: Oakland
Punting
Finally, something we can compete in! Our man Dustin Colquitt showed his undeniable physical prowess by booming EIGHT punts for the Griefs, with a long of 73, for a 49.4 yard average. That is some serious leg. Compare that with the measly 44.8 yard average for Shane Lechler and you can clearly see who the best punter is here. Of course Oakland only had to punt half the amount of times the Griefs did, so maybe if he got more chances it would be closer. But he didn’t, so the Winner: Griefs
In summary, I can’t recall ever watching a game this bad that was played by “professionals” in the NFL. It is so very clear that we are on a collision course for a 0-16 season. The good news is that, possibly for the first time in the history of the NFL, we could see a match-up between two 0-14 teams in week 15 this year. That is right. Sunday. December 21st at Arrowhead, we could see 0-14 Miami teeing it up against 0-14 Kansas City . That should and likely will be a game for the ages. Makes me giddy just thinking about it. Circle that date on the calendar my friend.
In my eternal optimism that the Griefs might actually do something correct, I actually had them winning the Oakland game. That was one win that I counted toward the potential five or six they MIGHT win this year. After that debacle I don’t see a team on the remaining schedule we can beat. Watch for a real blowout against Atlanta this week. The new prediction, until revised further, is 1-15. First pick in the draft, HERE WE COME!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Preseason Predictions
I got bored, and had a minute between answering phone calls, so I put down some thoughts…
It has been a long, hot summer. Much too long since the NFL players strapped on their pads and went to battle for real. Some would say I am screwed up in the head because they have actually been playing for over a month now. I would counter with yes, they have been playing, but not football. As of tonight, REAL FOOTBALL season starts. In honor of this transition to the greatest possible time of year, I thought it was time to dust off the computer keyboard and jot down a few thoughts on the upcoming season for the Griefs. I might as well set the tone in the opening paragraph. The Chiefs will be referred to as the Griefs for the remainder of the reading. Why? It can’t be worse than the nine consecutive loss, 4-12 Griefs of last year can it? Yes it can. At times it is going to be so bad that I would even consider watching a Not Basketball Association game instead of the Griefs. Since that has not happened since 1995, maybe that gives you an idea. Without further delay, we are off to Griefs football.
I guess the biggest laugh that I indulge in pretty much every time the Griefs are talked about is the belief that Grodie Boyle can somehow become a better quarterback and lead this Griefs team. The facts of this matter are simple. He has a big arm. Fine. But he has no head to control what that arm does. He is a genuine moron, along the lines of Al Gore. He can’t rationalize, and process, the information that comes at him, at the speed it does in the NFL. You could almost make the argument that it is partially the lines fault. Yes it is. That is why you need someone smart back there that can make even quicker decisions. The line does not give him as much time as some other offensive lines could, putting more emphasis on the need for a smart man back there, not Forrest Gump. Looking at the team’s depth chart adds comfort though. If Grodie goes down with an injury, or Herman finally pulls him out of the first game of the year, after throwing his fifth interception, we have Tyler Thigpen to rest our hopes on. Funny Story Alert: Both Dwayne Bowe and Tony Gonzalez dropped to the eight round in our fantasy football draft. It has nothing to do with their talent, but everything to do with NOBODY trusts Grodie to get them the ball. As I said, this is going to be a long year. (Just for fun, since you won’t see him face again in this space, here is the man. Feel free to cut this out, paste it to a dartboard, and get some practice. That is what other teams will be doing all year.)
And now for the 2008 Kansas City Griefs schedule, along with predicted results. These will help all of you out there with a bit of a gambling problem. For future reference, the number next to each team in parenthesis is the current Sports Illustrated Power Ranking.
September 7th – Kansas City (30) @ New England (1)
Nothing like starting the season with a cupcake team. All major colleges do it, why not the NFL? I am glad the Griefs are following mid-major college guidelines and playing big time teams for the paycheck. Oh, hell, they don’t do that in the NFL. Never mind. I actually anticipate this game to be fairly close until kickoff. After that things might spiral out of control rather quickly. There has been some discussion as to if Tom Brady will be 100% for this opening game. My guess is that he could be roughly 1.7% and not have much of a problem with this game. The Patriots faded late in the season last year, likely from exhaustion, and pounding every team they played early in the year by 40 points or more. Let us be the sacrificial lamb. The Patriots are going to come out strong, and set the tone for their season by using us as a doormat. Final Score – Patriots 77, Chiefs 3.
September 14th – Raiders (31) @ Griefs (30)
On paper this should be a pretty good game! Maybe one of the best all year. You have two inept teams battling it out in the confines of Arrowhead stadium. There is much more riding on this game than just a final score. You have the heated rivalry of two teams trying to prove they deserve the number one pick in next year’s draft, as well as two people (Peterson and Davis) fighting to prove they can manage teams worse than anyone else in the league. This could be interesting for another reason as well. We might see JaMarcus Russell on the field at the same time as highly touted running back Darren McFadden. That is worth the price of admission right there. Either way I see a pretty close game here. Another stink bomb from Grodie, and Oakland just trying to work into form. Nick Novak (previously of the Cologne Centurions) will keep things close before Oakland puts us away. Final Score – Oakland 21, Griefs 15.
September 21st – Griefs (30) @ Falcons (32)
Poor Atlanta . Michael Vick gets busted for participating in grotesque and illegal activities. Another back stabbing college coach decides he can’t cut it at the NFL level and leaves town 13 games into his five year contract. Now that team is in shambles, and it has even flowed down to their website. Seriously. Look at it. Worst website in the NFL by far. First off they have an annoying pop-up that appears right in the middle of the screen. Being that the entire screen is black, you can’t find the “close” button. Then when the thing finally goes away, you can’t find anything else on the website, because, well, ITS BLACK. When it comes to talent, the Falcons are a great matchup for the Griefs. Both teams suck really bad. This will be a nail biter all the way through the way I see it. Ryan might not be able to lead his inept offense, and we know Boyle can’t lead ours. I say a battle of the kickers here. Final Score – Griefs 6, Falcons 3.
September 28th – Broncos (19) @ Griefs (30)
The Broncos have been having problems at quarterback for a few years now. Ever since the decision was made to start Cutler, things have been shaky back there. The good news for Broncos fans is that all you have to do is put a helmet on anyone and they become a 1,000 yard rusher in that backfield. I am guessing by the time this game rolls around we will be in the Tyler Thigpen era, since up until this point Grodie will not have a single touchdown. So shaky, new quarterback, against shaky, veteran quarterback. I am giving the edge to experience here. Thigpen is going to lead us to our first offensive touchdown of the year, but it will not be enough. Even with Novak’s four field goals. Final Score – Denver 21, Griefs 19.
October 5th – Griefs (30) @ Panthers (18)
I really don’t know much about the Panthers. Maybe because they are an NFC team, and well, the NFC sucks. I know who their coach is, I know their starting quarterback, I know Tom Vaughan is their head groundskeeper, and I know I picked up Muhammad in the 14th round of our draft. Other than that, I really can’t tell you much about the Panthers except they have been to the playoffs a LOT more than the Chiefs have in the last few years. I also know Delhomme is a much better quarterback than either Thigpen or Boyle, so they have got that going for them as well. All that being said, I am just going to have to take a guess here. I am saying that Carolina plays a strong game, but we give them a fight because of great field position provided by Colquitt, and the trustworthy leg of Novak. Let’s say…Final Score – Panthers 24, Griefs 18 (on six field goals)
October 12th – Griefs (30) @ BYE (33)
In a true match up of non-offensive juggernauts, we have the much anticipated battle of Chiefs and BYE. Bookies, as well as Vegas, are scrambling to get this on the board. If you find a reasonable spread, I am saying around 9.5, take it. By the sixth game of the year I expect the Griefs to be rounding into shape, and BYE has not been playing all that well, other than the steady progress of kicker Justin Medlock. I honestly feel that our offensive line has a great chance against BYE, giving our quarterback plenty of time to read the field, and opening huge holes for Larry Johnson. This is the one time this year that I am confident the Griefs will leave the field victorious, but not before a long and difficult battle. Final Score - Griefs 28, BYE 14.
That is a quick preview of what you can expect in the first six weeks of the season. I can’t wait for Sunday, so I can actually see the Griefs in person and really get some ammo for the upcoming season. As Clubber Lang said in Rocky III… “Prediction? PAIN”. The Griefs should listen to the man.
If you can’t tell, I am excited about the upcoming season, and also can’t wait to catch some Hawks Football. Unfortunately, they don’t broadcast games against Florida International.
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
It has been a long, hot summer. Much too long since the NFL players strapped on their pads and went to battle for real. Some would say I am screwed up in the head because they have actually been playing for over a month now. I would counter with yes, they have been playing, but not football. As of tonight, REAL FOOTBALL season starts. In honor of this transition to the greatest possible time of year, I thought it was time to dust off the computer keyboard and jot down a few thoughts on the upcoming season for the Griefs. I might as well set the tone in the opening paragraph. The Chiefs will be referred to as the Griefs for the remainder of the reading. Why? It can’t be worse than the nine consecutive loss, 4-12 Griefs of last year can it? Yes it can. At times it is going to be so bad that I would even consider watching a Not Basketball Association game instead of the Griefs. Since that has not happened since 1995, maybe that gives you an idea. Without further delay, we are off to Griefs football.
I guess the biggest laugh that I indulge in pretty much every time the Griefs are talked about is the belief that Grodie Boyle can somehow become a better quarterback and lead this Griefs team. The facts of this matter are simple. He has a big arm. Fine. But he has no head to control what that arm does. He is a genuine moron, along the lines of Al Gore. He can’t rationalize, and process, the information that comes at him, at the speed it does in the NFL. You could almost make the argument that it is partially the lines fault. Yes it is. That is why you need someone smart back there that can make even quicker decisions. The line does not give him as much time as some other offensive lines could, putting more emphasis on the need for a smart man back there, not Forrest Gump. Looking at the team’s depth chart adds comfort though. If Grodie goes down with an injury, or Herman finally pulls him out of the first game of the year, after throwing his fifth interception, we have Tyler Thigpen to rest our hopes on. Funny Story Alert: Both Dwayne Bowe and Tony Gonzalez dropped to the eight round in our fantasy football draft. It has nothing to do with their talent, but everything to do with NOBODY trusts Grodie to get them the ball. As I said, this is going to be a long year. (Just for fun, since you won’t see him face again in this space, here is the man. Feel free to cut this out, paste it to a dartboard, and get some practice. That is what other teams will be doing all year.)
And now for the 2008 Kansas City Griefs schedule, along with predicted results. These will help all of you out there with a bit of a gambling problem. For future reference, the number next to each team in parenthesis is the current Sports Illustrated Power Ranking.
September 7th – Kansas City (30) @ New England (1)
Nothing like starting the season with a cupcake team. All major colleges do it, why not the NFL? I am glad the Griefs are following mid-major college guidelines and playing big time teams for the paycheck. Oh, hell, they don’t do that in the NFL. Never mind. I actually anticipate this game to be fairly close until kickoff. After that things might spiral out of control rather quickly. There has been some discussion as to if Tom Brady will be 100% for this opening game. My guess is that he could be roughly 1.7% and not have much of a problem with this game. The Patriots faded late in the season last year, likely from exhaustion, and pounding every team they played early in the year by 40 points or more. Let us be the sacrificial lamb. The Patriots are going to come out strong, and set the tone for their season by using us as a doormat. Final Score – Patriots 77, Chiefs 3.
September 14th – Raiders (31) @ Griefs (30)
On paper this should be a pretty good game! Maybe one of the best all year. You have two inept teams battling it out in the confines of Arrowhead stadium. There is much more riding on this game than just a final score. You have the heated rivalry of two teams trying to prove they deserve the number one pick in next year’s draft, as well as two people (Peterson and Davis) fighting to prove they can manage teams worse than anyone else in the league. This could be interesting for another reason as well. We might see JaMarcus Russell on the field at the same time as highly touted running back Darren McFadden. That is worth the price of admission right there. Either way I see a pretty close game here. Another stink bomb from Grodie, and Oakland just trying to work into form. Nick Novak (previously of the Cologne Centurions) will keep things close before Oakland puts us away. Final Score – Oakland 21, Griefs 15.
September 21st – Griefs (30) @ Falcons (32)
Poor Atlanta . Michael Vick gets busted for participating in grotesque and illegal activities. Another back stabbing college coach decides he can’t cut it at the NFL level and leaves town 13 games into his five year contract. Now that team is in shambles, and it has even flowed down to their website. Seriously. Look at it. Worst website in the NFL by far. First off they have an annoying pop-up that appears right in the middle of the screen. Being that the entire screen is black, you can’t find the “close” button. Then when the thing finally goes away, you can’t find anything else on the website, because, well, ITS BLACK. When it comes to talent, the Falcons are a great matchup for the Griefs. Both teams suck really bad. This will be a nail biter all the way through the way I see it. Ryan might not be able to lead his inept offense, and we know Boyle can’t lead ours. I say a battle of the kickers here. Final Score – Griefs 6, Falcons 3.
September 28th – Broncos (19) @ Griefs (30)
The Broncos have been having problems at quarterback for a few years now. Ever since the decision was made to start Cutler, things have been shaky back there. The good news for Broncos fans is that all you have to do is put a helmet on anyone and they become a 1,000 yard rusher in that backfield. I am guessing by the time this game rolls around we will be in the Tyler Thigpen era, since up until this point Grodie will not have a single touchdown. So shaky, new quarterback, against shaky, veteran quarterback. I am giving the edge to experience here. Thigpen is going to lead us to our first offensive touchdown of the year, but it will not be enough. Even with Novak’s four field goals. Final Score – Denver 21, Griefs 19.
October 5th – Griefs (30) @ Panthers (18)
I really don’t know much about the Panthers. Maybe because they are an NFC team, and well, the NFC sucks. I know who their coach is, I know their starting quarterback, I know Tom Vaughan is their head groundskeeper, and I know I picked up Muhammad in the 14th round of our draft. Other than that, I really can’t tell you much about the Panthers except they have been to the playoffs a LOT more than the Chiefs have in the last few years. I also know Delhomme is a much better quarterback than either Thigpen or Boyle, so they have got that going for them as well. All that being said, I am just going to have to take a guess here. I am saying that Carolina plays a strong game, but we give them a fight because of great field position provided by Colquitt, and the trustworthy leg of Novak. Let’s say…Final Score – Panthers 24, Griefs 18 (on six field goals)
October 12th – Griefs (30) @ BYE (33)
In a true match up of non-offensive juggernauts, we have the much anticipated battle of Chiefs and BYE. Bookies, as well as Vegas, are scrambling to get this on the board. If you find a reasonable spread, I am saying around 9.5, take it. By the sixth game of the year I expect the Griefs to be rounding into shape, and BYE has not been playing all that well, other than the steady progress of kicker Justin Medlock. I honestly feel that our offensive line has a great chance against BYE, giving our quarterback plenty of time to read the field, and opening huge holes for Larry Johnson. This is the one time this year that I am confident the Griefs will leave the field victorious, but not before a long and difficult battle. Final Score - Griefs 28, BYE 14.
That is a quick preview of what you can expect in the first six weeks of the season. I can’t wait for Sunday, so I can actually see the Griefs in person and really get some ammo for the upcoming season. As Clubber Lang said in Rocky III… “Prediction? PAIN”. The Griefs should listen to the man.
If you can’t tell, I am excited about the upcoming season, and also can’t wait to catch some Hawks Football. Unfortunately, they don’t broadcast games against Florida International.
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Game Balls
Well, let's see what we have on the plate for this weekend... Before I go there I have a question that is really bothering me. Why is it players that "graduated" from the University Of Miami, when introducing themselves during games, say they are from "The U"? What is that all about? Are they too stupid to remember where they went to school? Technically could not about anyone that ever went to college say they went to "The U"? Think about that. Any school, such as USC, is the University of Southern California. Why don't they say they went to "The U"? Or are they just proud they got into college, and are saying I went to University? Isn't there only one true "U"? Yep. That would be Utah University. I never hear them say that, and they are the only one with the right to do so. Just baffles me. Sorry about that. Let's get into some football...
Kansas vs. Iowa State
All the bobble heads on television continue to tell the nation that Kansas University is not for real, we have played nobody, this is a fluke, and that Iowa State should not be a 27 point underdog here because they are better than Kansas, who once again, has played nobody. This is a "trap" game. They are also led by The Ultimate Leader, Gen Chizik. If you want some seriously humorous reading, and self smoke blowing, check out the Iowa State website and read his bio. This guy is not just full of himself, he sets a new record for self praise. We don't really have a chance against them now that I have read about him. Just so you know, this is him.
(The best part about this guy is he puts his PHONE NUMBER on his bio page. No kidding. 515-294-6721 if you don't believe me. Classic)
Pretty confident look on his face, don't you think? I guess he has never seen Mark MANgino getting out of the shower. Then that smirk would disappear rather quickly, as he would know then and there what a REAL man looks like. Look, I am not saying we should take Iowa State lightly. They have played some inspired football since getting their ass handed to them by Kent State and Northern Iowa. Okay, so they might not have won much, but they have played better. The most points they have scored all year was 35 against Toledo. I am not saying that is not impressive, but gentlemen, it is going to take a hell of a lot more points than that to beat Kansas. On paper this should not even really be a game, but hey, that is why they play instead of letting me just decide who wins. I guess we should do a battle of the coaches.
Gene Chizik actually did play some football. He was a linebacker at Florida for one year. I guess he could not quite hack it, but hey, he tried. On the other hand Mark MANgino invented football so he really did not have to play. I can't find any personal information on Gene, such as height and weight, but he seriously does not look like he can hang with Mark MANgino. This is where we bring in the back up to do the dirty work. Ladies and Gentlemen, this weeks Title Match is between Iowa State Defensive Coordinator Robert McFarland, and Mark MANgino.
VS
That's right! We have a Mark MANgino follower and wannabe on the Iowa State staff! Now THIS COULD BE FUN! I propose a Canola Oil cage match at half time. Loser gives the other team 20 points. I say we bring in Vince McMahon to be the referee for this one with Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross calling the shots. We could even do a lead-in with Corso and Herbstreit on College Game Day. Now this would set some ratings records! I am just banging my head against my desk right now trying to find any way possible to make this work. It has to work. I demand it!
Unlike all the people on television, I don't think Kansas is looking past Iowa State. As a matter of fact I believe Kansas is even MORE fired up after watching Oregon lose last night. They now know that no matter what happens their fate is 100% in their own hands instead of a bunch of computers and coaches that don't even watch games of other teams they are not going to play. I would expect to see an huge amount of Jake Sharp and Brandon McAnderson. I would expect to see Aqib Talib FLYING around the field. I would expect to see another "why are I not even up for Heisman consideration" performance from Todd Reesing. And I would expect to see Mark "why am I not even considered for Coach of The Year" MANgino not take his foot off the throttle all game. National Television, a crazy Kansas crowd in Lawrence, and their fate in their hands....
Kansas 63 Iowa State 21
In other football news, that "team" in Kansas City happens to play on Sunday. Not that anyone really cares because the real game in Saturday afternoon. Anyway...
Kansas City Griefs AT Indianapolis Colts
I guess the boys in Vegas have not been watching the Griefs play this year. Either that or they are feeling really generous going into Thanksgiving week. If gambling were legal anywhere but Vegas you could feel pretty comfortable knowing there is NO WAY IN HELL the Griefs should only be getting 15 points from the Colts. Hell, even if Peyton Manning only plays the first half because he has to go film another commercial I would still take the Colts giving 15. The Griefs defense may be better than it has been in years past, but not against The Face, Peyton. He will pick the Griefs apart like they are not even there. Couple that fact with us having LESS THAN ZERO offense and this looks like a 56 to 3 disaster just waiting to happen. Look at all the things that go against us here...
Brodie Croyle starting at quarterback. That makes me laugh out loud just writing that.
Herm Edwards is our coach.
Carl Peterson is our General Manager.
Priest Holmes is our starting running back.
The Colts are good.
The Chiefs Suck.
The Chiefs Suck
The Chiefs Suck
I have been telling you all year, begging you practically, not to get caught up in this team because all they will do is tear your heart out and stomp on it. Maybe, just maybe, now you are starting to listen to me. I honestly believe we have won the last game we are going to win this year. We have NOTHING going for us, and have just let the Packers and Broncos stomp a mud hole in us the last two weeks. This will be three in a row as we spiral into oblivion, as Mike Tyson would say.
Colts 56 Chiefs 3
As I sign out for the day, please bow your head and thank the maker for bringing us this man...
Mody
Kansas vs. Iowa State
All the bobble heads on television continue to tell the nation that Kansas University is not for real, we have played nobody, this is a fluke, and that Iowa State should not be a 27 point underdog here because they are better than Kansas, who once again, has played nobody. This is a "trap" game. They are also led by The Ultimate Leader, Gen Chizik. If you want some seriously humorous reading, and self smoke blowing, check out the Iowa State website and read his bio. This guy is not just full of himself, he sets a new record for self praise. We don't really have a chance against them now that I have read about him. Just so you know, this is him.
(The best part about this guy is he puts his PHONE NUMBER on his bio page. No kidding. 515-294-6721 if you don't believe me. Classic)
Pretty confident look on his face, don't you think? I guess he has never seen Mark MANgino getting out of the shower. Then that smirk would disappear rather quickly, as he would know then and there what a REAL man looks like. Look, I am not saying we should take Iowa State lightly. They have played some inspired football since getting their ass handed to them by Kent State and Northern Iowa. Okay, so they might not have won much, but they have played better. The most points they have scored all year was 35 against Toledo. I am not saying that is not impressive, but gentlemen, it is going to take a hell of a lot more points than that to beat Kansas. On paper this should not even really be a game, but hey, that is why they play instead of letting me just decide who wins. I guess we should do a battle of the coaches.
Gene Chizik actually did play some football. He was a linebacker at Florida for one year. I guess he could not quite hack it, but hey, he tried. On the other hand Mark MANgino invented football so he really did not have to play. I can't find any personal information on Gene, such as height and weight, but he seriously does not look like he can hang with Mark MANgino. This is where we bring in the back up to do the dirty work. Ladies and Gentlemen, this weeks Title Match is between Iowa State Defensive Coordinator Robert McFarland, and Mark MANgino.
VS
That's right! We have a Mark MANgino follower and wannabe on the Iowa State staff! Now THIS COULD BE FUN! I propose a Canola Oil cage match at half time. Loser gives the other team 20 points. I say we bring in Vince McMahon to be the referee for this one with Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross calling the shots. We could even do a lead-in with Corso and Herbstreit on College Game Day. Now this would set some ratings records! I am just banging my head against my desk right now trying to find any way possible to make this work. It has to work. I demand it!
Unlike all the people on television, I don't think Kansas is looking past Iowa State. As a matter of fact I believe Kansas is even MORE fired up after watching Oregon lose last night. They now know that no matter what happens their fate is 100% in their own hands instead of a bunch of computers and coaches that don't even watch games of other teams they are not going to play. I would expect to see an huge amount of Jake Sharp and Brandon McAnderson. I would expect to see Aqib Talib FLYING around the field. I would expect to see another "why are I not even up for Heisman consideration" performance from Todd Reesing. And I would expect to see Mark "why am I not even considered for Coach of The Year" MANgino not take his foot off the throttle all game. National Television, a crazy Kansas crowd in Lawrence, and their fate in their hands....
Kansas 63 Iowa State 21
In other football news, that "team" in Kansas City happens to play on Sunday. Not that anyone really cares because the real game in Saturday afternoon. Anyway...
Kansas City Griefs AT Indianapolis Colts
I guess the boys in Vegas have not been watching the Griefs play this year. Either that or they are feeling really generous going into Thanksgiving week. If gambling were legal anywhere but Vegas you could feel pretty comfortable knowing there is NO WAY IN HELL the Griefs should only be getting 15 points from the Colts. Hell, even if Peyton Manning only plays the first half because he has to go film another commercial I would still take the Colts giving 15. The Griefs defense may be better than it has been in years past, but not against The Face, Peyton. He will pick the Griefs apart like they are not even there. Couple that fact with us having LESS THAN ZERO offense and this looks like a 56 to 3 disaster just waiting to happen. Look at all the things that go against us here...
Brodie Croyle starting at quarterback. That makes me laugh out loud just writing that.
Herm Edwards is our coach.
Carl Peterson is our General Manager.
Priest Holmes is our starting running back.
The Colts are good.
The Chiefs Suck.
The Chiefs Suck
The Chiefs Suck
I have been telling you all year, begging you practically, not to get caught up in this team because all they will do is tear your heart out and stomp on it. Maybe, just maybe, now you are starting to listen to me. I honestly believe we have won the last game we are going to win this year. We have NOTHING going for us, and have just let the Packers and Broncos stomp a mud hole in us the last two weeks. This will be three in a row as we spiral into oblivion, as Mike Tyson would say.
Colts 56 Chiefs 3
As I sign out for the day, please bow your head and thank the maker for bringing us this man...
Mody
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