It has been a long, hot summer. Much too long since the NFL players strapped on their pads and went to battle for real. Some would say I am screwed up in the head because they have actually been playing for over a month now. I would counter with yes, they have been playing, but not football. As of tonight, REAL FOOTBALL season starts. In honor of this transition to the greatest possible time of year, I thought it was time to dust off the computer keyboard and jot down a few thoughts on the upcoming season for the Griefs. I might as well set the tone in the opening paragraph. The Chiefs will be referred to as the Griefs for the remainder of the reading. Why? It can’t be worse than the nine consecutive loss, 4-12 Griefs of last year can it? Yes it can. At times it is going to be so bad that I would even consider watching a Not Basketball Association game instead of the Griefs. Since that has not happened since 1995, maybe that gives you an idea. Without further delay, we are off to Griefs football.
I guess the biggest laugh that I indulge in pretty much every time the Griefs are talked about is the belief that Grodie Boyle can somehow become a better quarterback and lead this Griefs team. The facts of this matter are simple. He has a big arm. Fine. But he has no head to control what that arm does. He is a genuine moron, along the lines of Al Gore. He can’t rationalize, and process, the information that comes at him, at the speed it does in the NFL. You could almost make the argument that it is partially the lines fault. Yes it is. That is why you need someone smart back there that can make even quicker decisions. The line does not give him as much time as some other offensive lines could, putting more emphasis on the need for a smart man back there, not Forrest Gump. Looking at the team’s depth chart adds comfort though. If Grodie goes down with an injury, or Herman finally pulls him out of the first game of the year, after throwing his fifth interception, we have Tyler Thigpen to rest our hopes on. Funny Story Alert: Both Dwayne Bowe and Tony Gonzalez dropped to the eight round in our fantasy football draft. It has nothing to do with their talent, but everything to do with NOBODY trusts Grodie to get them the ball. As I said, this is going to be a long year. (Just for fun, since you won’t see him face again in this space, here is the man. Feel free to cut this out, paste it to a dartboard, and get some practice. That is what other teams will be doing all year.)
And now for the 2008 Kansas City Griefs schedule, along with predicted results. These will help all of you out there with a bit of a gambling problem. For future reference, the number next to each team in parenthesis is the current Sports Illustrated Power Ranking.
September 7th – Kansas City (30) @ New England (1)
Nothing like starting the season with a cupcake team. All major colleges do it, why not the NFL? I am glad the Griefs are following mid-major college guidelines and playing big time teams for the paycheck. Oh, hell, they don’t do that in the NFL. Never mind. I actually anticipate this game to be fairly close until kickoff. After that things might spiral out of control rather quickly. There has been some discussion as to if Tom Brady will be 100% for this opening game. My guess is that he could be roughly 1.7% and not have much of a problem with this game. The Patriots faded late in the season last year, likely from exhaustion, and pounding every team they played early in the year by 40 points or more. Let us be the sacrificial lamb. The Patriots are going to come out strong, and set the tone for their season by using us as a doormat. Final Score – Patriots 77, Chiefs 3.
September 14th – Raiders (31) @ Griefs (30)
On paper this should be a pretty good game! Maybe one of the best all year. You have two inept teams battling it out in the confines of Arrowhead stadium. There is much more riding on this game than just a final score. You have the heated rivalry of two teams trying to prove they deserve the number one pick in next year’s draft, as well as two people (Peterson and Davis) fighting to prove they can manage teams worse than anyone else in the league. This could be interesting for another reason as well. We might see JaMarcus Russell on the field at the same time as highly touted running back Darren McFadden. That is worth the price of admission right there. Either way I see a pretty close game here. Another stink bomb from Grodie, and Oakland just trying to work into form. Nick Novak (previously of the Cologne Centurions) will keep things close before Oakland puts us away. Final Score – Oakland 21, Griefs 15.
September 21st – Griefs (30) @ Falcons (32)
Poor Atlanta . Michael Vick gets busted for participating in grotesque and illegal activities. Another back stabbing college coach decides he can’t cut it at the NFL level and leaves town 13 games into his five year contract. Now that team is in shambles, and it has even flowed down to their website. Seriously. Look at it. Worst website in the NFL by far. First off they have an annoying pop-up that appears right in the middle of the screen. Being that the entire screen is black, you can’t find the “close” button. Then when the thing finally goes away, you can’t find anything else on the website, because, well, ITS BLACK. When it comes to talent, the Falcons are a great matchup for the Griefs. Both teams suck really bad. This will be a nail biter all the way through the way I see it. Ryan might not be able to lead his inept offense, and we know Boyle can’t lead ours. I say a battle of the kickers here. Final Score – Griefs 6, Falcons 3.
September 28th – Broncos (19) @ Griefs (30)
The Broncos have been having problems at quarterback for a few years now. Ever since the decision was made to start Cutler, things have been shaky back there. The good news for Broncos fans is that all you have to do is put a helmet on anyone and they become a 1,000 yard rusher in that backfield. I am guessing by the time this game rolls around we will be in the Tyler Thigpen era, since up until this point Grodie will not have a single touchdown. So shaky, new quarterback, against shaky, veteran quarterback. I am giving the edge to experience here. Thigpen is going to lead us to our first offensive touchdown of the year, but it will not be enough. Even with Novak’s four field goals. Final Score – Denver 21, Griefs 19.
October 5th – Griefs (30) @ Panthers (18)
I really don’t know much about the Panthers. Maybe because they are an NFC team, and well, the NFC sucks. I know who their coach is, I know their starting quarterback, I know Tom Vaughan is their head groundskeeper, and I know I picked up Muhammad in the 14th round of our draft. Other than that, I really can’t tell you much about the Panthers except they have been to the playoffs a LOT more than the Chiefs have in the last few years. I also know Delhomme is a much better quarterback than either Thigpen or Boyle, so they have got that going for them as well. All that being said, I am just going to have to take a guess here. I am saying that Carolina plays a strong game, but we give them a fight because of great field position provided by Colquitt, and the trustworthy leg of Novak. Let’s say…Final Score – Panthers 24, Griefs 18 (on six field goals)
October 12th – Griefs (30) @ BYE (33)
In a true match up of non-offensive juggernauts, we have the much anticipated battle of Chiefs and BYE. Bookies, as well as Vegas, are scrambling to get this on the board. If you find a reasonable spread, I am saying around 9.5, take it. By the sixth game of the year I expect the Griefs to be rounding into shape, and BYE has not been playing all that well, other than the steady progress of kicker Justin Medlock. I honestly feel that our offensive line has a great chance against BYE, giving our quarterback plenty of time to read the field, and opening huge holes for Larry Johnson. This is the one time this year that I am confident the Griefs will leave the field victorious, but not before a long and difficult battle. Final Score - Griefs 28, BYE 14.
That is a quick preview of what you can expect in the first six weeks of the season. I can’t wait for Sunday, so I can actually see the Griefs in person and really get some ammo for the upcoming season. As Clubber Lang said in Rocky III… “Prediction? PAIN”. The Griefs should listen to the man.
If you can’t tell, I am excited about the upcoming season, and also can’t wait to catch some Hawks Football. Unfortunately, they don’t broadcast games against Florida International.
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
No comments:
Post a Comment